What's the Baz?

Who spiked the water cooler at Colonial First State Retail Trust HQ?

The usually staid bunch are going all out to make sure the launch of Melbourne’s Emporium shopping centre will be one to be remembered with an event  "created and hosted by creative visionary Baz Luhrmann".

Sounds exactly like the sort of cheap envelope-opener you would expect for a shop that doesn’t even have a Bourke Street mall address.

The MCG-sized guest list has been told to dress "reimagined glamour".

Given the presence of Luhrmann, will Colonial Truster-in-chief Angus McNaughton or his chairman Richard Haddock pay homage to the flamboyant director’s latest cinematic release The Great Gatsby?

Or, if a story that explores the decadence and excess of the Jazz Age is deemed inappropriate, there is always Moulin Rouge!

Outgoing boss dodges incoming rockets

Next Friday is the official changeover day at NAB with chief teller Cameron Clyne handing the baton to fellow rugby nut Andrew Thorburn but the lead-up has been a little more eventful than the bank had planned.

Before his decision to retire, Clyne had accepted an invitation from the Australian-Israeli Chamber of Commerce to lead the recent trade delegation to Israel.

“The day we got there was the day it started to escalate though we were watching things closely beforehand ... we all had to go into the bomb shelters in Tel Aviv four or five times that day and watch while the rockets from Hamas exploded overhead,” serial entrepreneur Catriona Wallace told our sister publication BRW.

Just as well NAB had a replacement at the ready.

Hockey tells all

Yes, it’s that time of year, but this year Australia’s 10 million tax payers are in for a special treat.

Our esteemed Treasurer, Average Joe Hockey, has decided to give us all individualised statements showing exactly where every last cent of your tax is going.

‘‘The Coalition understands that every dollar the government has, it holds on trust for the taxpayer,’’ says the press release from Hockey.

‘‘This government initiative honours an election commitment and will help keep pressure on governments to spend taxation revenues wisely.’’

But it does raise the question: how much money is being spent telling us how our tax dollars are being spent?

‘‘It will be absorbed in the ATO budget, so no additional cost to the budget,’’ says the very economical reply from the Tax Office flacks.

At least we can take it from Hockey that the money in question is wisely spent.

Loyal iQantas

What kind of losers are still buying Apple iPads? That was the clear message that emerged from Apple’s recent results briefing which generated press headlines like The iPad Continues to Struggle and a New iPhone Could Make It Worse.

So which Aussie icon was on the lips of Apple’s chief bean counter Luca Maestri over its rapturous embrace of the suddenly unhip device?

“Qantas Airlines has 15,000 iPads deployed to pilots, as well as cabin, customer service and ground crews, to enhance processes across the daily operation,” he told an analyst conference call.

Rich seam of stories

And we have a winner!

The 2014 Dalrymple Bay Coal Terminal Picture Book Competition was won by entries titled Hector and the Soccer Ball by Aleesah Darlison and Hector and the Bully by Penelope Cottier.

The competition required entrants to create an original story about the coal terminal’s mascot Hector, the turd-shaped lump of coal.

“We had a number of very strong entries that were enjoyable reads for the judges,’’ says a Dalrymple Bay executive.

CBD is sure they were talking about the close runner-up, Mackay Conservation Group member Christine Carlisle.

In Hector Rests in Peace Carlisle offers another side to the effects of coalmining.

The story is about how Hector becomes old and tired and decides to sleep for ever while his friends Windy the Wind Turbine and Solly the Solar Panel produce energy from the wind and sun.

Carlisle told reporters: "We thought it was important that children hear the real story of coal."

Got a tip? ckruger@fairfaxmedia.com.au