Neighbours, Eleven, 6.30pm

Australia's signature soap has become a parody of itself – if in fact it was ever anything else. The cheesy opening sequence, all sun-drenched poolside scenes and barbecues, sets the stage for tedious chit-chat about who likes who and who doesn't between pretty young things and their older mentors who are unnaturally interested and involved in young romances. The most comfortable veterans to watch are Colette Mann as Sheila and Rebekah Elmaloglou as Terese, but it's hard to see Kate Kendall, who was so good in Stingers, doing her best to inject some meaning into dialogue that is often stilted and earnest.

The British, SBS One, 8.30pm

The patriotism reaches a crescendo in this episode of the documentary series charting 2000 years of British history. Entitled "War and Peace", it looks at the world wars from a shamelessly British perspective. Don't expect a mention of Gallipoli. This is about British sacrifices, and the impact of events such as the Blitz on British morale. The saving of St Paul's Cathedral from Blitz attacks is highlighted as evidence of the enduring national spirit, as is the dedication of female workers in a munitions factory in which 134 were killed due to apparently non-existent workplace safety regulations. Among the commentators are actors Helen Mirren and Dougray Scott, feminist writer Caitlin Moran, explorer Benedict Allen, and pop singer Lily Allen. It's worth enduring the flag-waving for the coverage of peacetime milestones, including the discovery of penicillin, Amy Johnson's solo flight to Australia, and the first television coverage of a coronation.

Frisky Business, SBS2, 9.20pm

Who knew the ancient Roman village of Bath was the epicentre of Britain's online sex-accessory trade? Apparently this is where all manner of things to insert and attach get stuffed into zippy bags and sent all over the world. Tonight, it's all about bottoms, with a butt-plug enthusiast attempting to design the perfect one and have it crafted out of metal. As butt-plug sales girl Alison explains, such things are highly personal. She gives a (figurative) demonstration that might as well be spruiking Tupperware, it's so matter-of-fact. The staff have such a grip on comic timing there's a strong sense that somewhere a clever scriptwriter is having a huge laugh.

Bridget McManus

PAY TV

The World According to Paris, Style, 8.30pm

Looking back, it's remarkable how quickly and completely Kim Kardashian supplanted her one-time friend and employer Paris Hilton. One moment it was Hilton's smirking visage plastered wall to wall across the globe and Kardashian was a mere lackey to whom Hilton dismissively assigned such tasks as reorganising her closet. Then next minute Kardashian's sex tape was out, Keeping Up with the Kardashians was coming down the cable and the eclipse was all but total. By 2011, when Hilton returned to reality TV in The World According to Paris, Americans were done with her. This series averaged just 293,000 viewers – a far cry from the 13 million who tuned in to the first episode of The Simple Life. The shortcomings of The World According to Parisare many and glaring – which isn't to say it's any worse than any of Kardashian's endeavours. The main problem is the insincerity of the principal – Hilton claims to detest media attention even as she gasps for it, and she claims to be all grown up while still behaving in a tediously childish manner. Oh, and she does a gratuitous topless scene (albeit a pixellated one) while claiming to be appalled that her new assistant writes porn scripts. Tonight's episode begins with the news that a man armed with a knife has been arrested at Hilton's mansion. She flees to her sister's house and begins redecorating it.

Brad Newsome

MOVIES

Mission Impossible (1996), Ten, 8.30pm

Mission Impossible is the film that famously left out the television series' titular colon, angering fans and obliging the producers to get it right on John Woo's sequel (see Saturday). Still, poor proofreading is about the only serious flaw in this polished and inventive action thriller from director Brian De Palma. Tom Cruise plays American agent Ethan Hunt, who must uncover the traitorous mole sending American agents to their grizzly deaths. After a failed mission in picturesque Prague, where the locations are used to stunning effect, Hunt combs the globe, aided by all manner of slick gadgets, but placed in ever-present danger by the double-dealings of fellow operatives.

Most people are aware of the opening-act twist – breathtaking in its day and still impressive now – but there remains more than enough big-screen action and tension to thrill most fans.

De Palma's film was uncommonly handsome for its time and has an impressive supporting cast, including Jean Reno, Vanessa Redgrave and Emmanuelle Beart. This is an entertaining and knowing post-modern exercise in disposable pop culture.

Run Fatboy Run (2007), Nine, 12.35am (Sunday)

Taste varies from person to person and never more so than with comedies. In fact, there are few things more terrifying than hearing unbridled enthusiasm from a dear friend about a screamingly funny film they have just seen. How can one escape it? Run Fatboy Run is written by Simon Pegg and Dylan Moran, and directed byFriends royalty David Schwimmer. Pegg plays an overweight everyman who charmlessly leaves his fiancee (Thandie Newton) waiting at the altar, then pursues her incessantly. She proves to have the worst taste in men imaginable. Meanwhile, Dennis' best mate (Moran), on the run from debt enforcers, bets heavily on the vagaries of Dennis' love life. Don't we all. Many people will tell you it is hilarious, that Pegg and Dylan aregeniuses, and that even Schwimmer does a good job. Maybe you will believe them.

Scott Murray