It's my job to check out hotels, so it's not particularly unusual for me. But most of these hotels didn't seek me out and invite me to stay. I have to do my research before I travel, like everyone else.

How do I find the hotel of my dreams? Mostly I'm looking for hotels that have something special – ones that are full of character, or romantic, or stylish, or a combination of all these. I love grand hotels with history but I also seek out smaller boutique hotels where the personal touch of the owner or manager is evident in the decor and thoughtful details.

It's often an emotional choice for me, not just a practical one. I want to stay in a place that makes memories – good ones.

There is so much information on the internet but not all the ways of finding out are entirely reliable. Booking comparison sites are excellent if the focus is price. But the linked reviews are posted by people I don't know.

If I don't have a personal recommendation, I get my inspiration from visiting the established hotel curation sites. These companies don't own or manage hotels but invite hotels that reach a certain standard or have a certain style to be listed with them. The hotels pay a fee to be part of a prestige list and booking engine. This works well for independent hotels that don't have the backing of a big hotel organisation such as Starwood.

These sites are where I find interesting hotels I might not discover with a simple destination search. And because they're carefully chosen and regularly inspected, often by savvy travellers who are also independent, I trust the list.

For instance, when I'm looking for a hotel room that has cutting-edge style, I head for Design Hotels (www.designhotels.com). The German-based company started with a handful of accommodation on its listings but now represents 274 hotels across 56 countries, specifically targeted to travellers who value good design above all else. They produce beautiful anthologies of their properties in print as well as online.

In 2003 Londoners James and Tamara Lohan imagined the kind of hotel a sexy couple might enjoy checking into, named the fictional couple Mr & Mrs Smith, and created a curated collection of boutique hotels with a strong emphasis on romance, featuring witty reviews posted by a team of well-travelled, handpicked contributors. Smith has expanded to include categories such as private islands, rental villas, child friendly and budget accommodation. (www.mrandmrssmith.com)

If I'm looking for a landmark, classic hotel that pulls out all the stops, I peruse The Leading Hotels of the World collection of 375 "uncommon" hotels in 75 countries. Leading's hotels include the most opulent and palatial on the planet. (www.lhw.com)

If I want that luxury to be a bit more boutique, I check out Small Luxury Hotels, which has a collection of 526 small hotels with "a strong sense of place" in 80 countries (www.slh.com). If I'm looking for a hotel with gastronomic cachet, I'll visit Relais & Chateaux, a "global fellowship" of independently owned hotels and restaurants, which boasts 28 three-starred Michelin chefs over three continents. (www.relaischateaux.com)

Once inspired, does it make sense to book your hotel through these sites? Many will match prices if you find the same thing cheaper elsewhere and sweeten the deal with late check-in, room upgrades or, in the case of Smith hotels, bonuses such as a complimentary bottle of champagne on arrival.

Loyalty is rewarded. After one stay at a Small Luxury Hotel, for instance, you become a "loved" member with additional benefits such as complimentary continental breakfast. Five stays over a year elevates you to "honoured' with free nights.

Paying for a higher level of membership may make sense for frequent travellers. Leading Hotels' Leaders Club – entry level $US150 ($200) annually – includes complimentary continental breakfast for two, one free night every five nights, complimentary internet and upgrade where available. Mr & Mrs Smith's Silversmith and Goldsmith memberships ($60 and $600) give additional benefits such as personal travel consultants.

If you book through a comparison booking site you may get a good deal, but there's no reason for you to be treated as anything other than a number. Booking with the curators makes you automatically a member of a discerning club and, as we all know, membership has its privileges.