As well as intimate partner and child abuse, DFV includes violence to parents, siblings and in-laws, who may or may not live in the same home. Any behaviour that is used to coerce, manipulate and control another through an abuse of power to cause fear, is an act of violence. Physical threats and acts are only one in a collection of tools perpetrators will use.

Emotional and psychological violence involves manipulative behaviour used to coerce, control or harm another. Mental, psychological or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal.

Examples include denying a person's reality, put downs, manipulation and humiliation. Undermining another person's self esteem is an act of emotional/psychological violence.

Someone who constantly compares the family member with others as evidence of them not being enough, or being less than, are examples of using psychological violence.

Gaslighting is a term coined to describe the act of undermining someone's sense of reality with the intention of making them doubt themselves. Often, this behaviour happens slowly and incrementally over time so that friends and other family may not notice the perpetrator's violence. Sometimes friends may not notice, with the thought that the perpetrator is just a 'bit of a control freak.' If you notice your friend's sense of self diminishing, this is a red flag to violent behaviour in the relationship.

"Silent treatment" is another way perpetrator's will use violence to control the family member or intimate partner. A person who actively uses behaviour that makes the other person feel unsafe, insecure and powerless, is using coercion to manipulate the outcome of the other person's behaviour.

Gaslighting, silent treatment and emotional manipulation are damaging, yet unfortunately not a criminal offence. The outcome of this behaviour affects the entire community, with serious consequences for the family, and the wider society.

For the family where there is violent behaviour, children may show signs of distress, anger or self-blame which overflow into their behaviours at school or in recreational activities. Violence at home can result in children growing up without learning about positive, respectful relationships, and have a downstream affect when they grow up to have their own families.

People who are involved with household conflict and break downs in family functioning, can often be the same people who are involved with broader community conflicts. Families may move homes a lot, or victims may not be able to attend work regularly. Over time, as the sense of self is diminished and self esteem wanes, employees may not be as functional at their jobs. Suicidal thoughts may arise.

Say no to violence. Do not turn a blind eye. Be an active bystander and make it clear when you see damaging, coercive and manipulative behaviours, that it's not okay.

If you are experiencing family violence, there is help for you to be safe. There are both public and private resources for help or support. Each week in this column we offer a possible contact point.

Lifeline: If you are experiencing self hatred and suicidal thoughts, call Lifeline, who can help put you in contact with a crisis service in your State. Anyone across Australia experiencing a personal crisis or thinking about suicide can call 13 11 14.